Every year on this day I never know what I will feel. I always try to clear the day in preparation for whatever may come. Some years I can get up and I manage to have a close to normal day and some years I don't want to do much or talk to anybody. This morning I woke up with the first rap you wrote to me on my mind -- it was odd because it came out of nowhere and it was like I could hear your voice saying it. After all this time, I still struggle to accept how our story went. I thought after the grief part things would "heal" and I'd forever be ok I've come to realize that being a widow, you never truly get closure. It was such an amazing journey, so early in our lives, and it seems so unfair that it never got a full ending - I mean it came to an end but we didn't get to choose how our story would play out. I think alot of people take that for granted in relationships. Living with just the "acceptance" that it abruptly concluded is hard.. you know you cant go back but you don't want to just keep going forward -- your sad becuase you dont have that love in your life anymore but you dont want your hurt to overshadow the memories (or the fact that you did get to experience it because some people never get to). Almost like having an amazing dream and then being chaotically woken up from it. You want to go back so you can see how it finishes, but you cant! Living with that changes you forever smh.. I'm so grateful for our time even though it went the way it did -- it taught me so much about life and love. Thank you for that, I Love you always!

Its March 2012 already. Tomorrow would have been your 23rd birthday. It bothers me that we never got to reach 21 together so we could party hard for our bdays. I miss you bink.. Love you!!! <3 I will b back tomorrow to wish you happy birthday, MWAH <3 <3

Hey Binka.. 2012 smh time is flying.. I just want to say Hey and I love you and Happy New Year.. can't believe I turned 23 this past month and you weren't here celebrate with me :-( We gone celebrate your bday soon though so its all good. I know your spirit is always around me Mwah <3 love you--Mrs J. Holland